You'd think with as many times as my life continues to shift I'd be used to the whirlwind. I'm more practiced, certainly, but it still throws me into a spin. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not wired for the programmed life. I knew this very early on. I tried to hide it, mask it, avoid it, compensate it.
None of that really worked for me, even though I seemed totally together to the outside world. Inside I was a raging mass of knowing trying to move through, blocked at every entrance.
This hypersensitivity and deep knowing of the world around me turned out to be my gift when I turned it on myself. This gift is what gets me through the most trying moments and the rapid rate of change that is my world and the world.
Today's morning musing is all about how to move through the fog when you can't see where you're going.
I've been in a fog for the last few days. My muse she's gone in hiding again. Maybe not, but I've felt this pulling in as if my field is a cape and I'm warding off the cold.
I've been in a no flow funk. Feeling jarred, deeply stirred. The cave is calling. Truth is I feel most comfortable here, with only brief visits to the world of time and space and things out there.
The inner movement hasn't stopped. It's incessant, relentless. Can't name this one yet. Being with it is more than enough.
I've resorted to my favorite distractions: reading and the grandkiddies. It's a fine line between being on the adventure and overstaying my welcome at the inn.
Maybe I'm withdrawing into the womb? Nourishment, incubation, respite… Do I really need to know the why? That's a game that goes on forever.
Am I escaping or going within? Ha! Ha! Ha!
Who knows? Who cares! I know how this goes: take the next step. That's all that's on the menu: the next step now.
Living with Uncertainty
It's comforting to imagine that when you do things in a prescribed manner (Step 1, Step 2, Step 3) that you'll get a definite result. In many things this is true, especially science. Every once in a while though, there's that anomaly.
Turns out we're all anomalies. We just have to be willing to step out from behind the curtain and claim it. This is a brave new world and nothing is certain here. But isn't that part of the magic and mystery of being here?
The time to live out loud is now. Tick tock, goes the clock!