Discover Your Disempowering Stories
By now you've probably noticed that your experiences have more than one version (also known as a story). I don't mean to discredit what you believe but there are the things that occur, and the stories we make up about them. Much of how you interpret events (or create a story) is dependent on your beliefs. Some beliefs are empowering, others are disempowering. You'll know which one is at play by how you feel. Does it give you energy? Does it take your energy? One feels good. The other does not. We have many, many, many stories. Some support you. Some don't. You get to choose.
Much of how you interpret events (or create a story) is dependent on your beliefs. Some beliefs are empowering, others are disempowering. You'll know which one is at play by how you feel. Does it give you energy? Does it take your energy? One feels good. The other does not. We have many, many, many stories. Some support you. Some don't. You get to choose.
Does it give you energy? Does it take your energy? One feels good. The other does not. We have many, many, many stories. Some support you. Some don't. You get to choose.
This past year of big shifts has brought to light three long held disempowering stories. I held onto these as if my life depended on them (and for a very, very long time it did). Check in and notice if these three stories are weaving their way in your world. I'll share my own experience as to how they've played out in my world and what I've come to know:
Story #1: I Must Be Loyal to My Family. I came in with a great capacity for love (I'm betting most of you can relate to this). I found forgiveness pretty easy with those I love. I'd always find some reason that explained why they behaved they way they did. I would put myself in their shoes and find my way to forgiveness. But . . . they did the same hurtful things over and over, showed no remorse and never, ever attempted to take responsibility or make amends…. for decades. I believed that my love was strong enough to shift things. In the end, I realized that was my ego talking. I'm not responsible for anyone's path except my own. Here's the bottom line: if your family puts you down and mistreats you it's abuse. There's NO reason to tolerate mistreatment from those you love (or anyone). It shows a lack of love for yourself. Ask yourself this: “Why Must I Give Up Being Me In Order To Be Loved By You?” If your family doesn't love who you are move on. There ARE people that will love you as you are.
Story #2: A Good Mother Is Always There For Her Children. I never planned on having children. I wanted to learn, travel and have a career. When motherhood visited my doorstep I decided I'd give my children everything I wished I'd had. My early motherhood years were difficult, there was divorce, struggling financially and no support from my family. Figuring out the motherhood thing was really rough, especially because I'd had a very emotionally distant mother. Plus, I grew up in an abusive and alcoholic household. I flew by the seat of my pants on this one, telling myself the most important thing was to show my kids I loved them in every way possible. I did. My children tell me I was a great mom. I doubted it for a verrrrry long time. I kept giving and giving and giving, hoping it would be enough. I remember reading one of Carlos Castaneda's book and he mentioned that mothers have energetic holes. I totally get it. At some point, your children are responsible for their own lives and you have to reclaim your energy. My daughter is a gift and a wonder, so is my son but he's had a long standing challenge … heroin addiction. I thought my love could pull him out of that one too. Again, my ego is alive and well. He recently went back to jail. I think I finally get that he's got to get himself out of this one. You can love your children to the end of the world and back but you can't save them from their own path. They must walk it, not you.
Story #3: Relationships are Risky. Life is risky. You can walk out your front door and never return. Relationships have been a source of SO much pain for me and SO much learning. I haven't had one ‘successful' relationship, the kind that you're committed to no matter what. I do have one relationship on and off for almost 30 years. Only now am I seeing the many ways in which I refused to grow, the ways in which I tried to control the relationship … and all because I was terrified of re-creating the hell I grew up with. Somewhere buried in the deep recesses of my brain being alone was the safest thing to be. Safe maybe but not rich and rewarding. Relationships are risky. You're bound to get hurt, fail, fall short. So what! With great risk comes great reward. Take the chance, let life crack you open and unleash the beauty within you. This is your one life. Live it!
There's nothing intrinsically wrong with these beliefs. The problem for me was that I came from my ego so it skewed my perspective and blinded me to the possibility at play. When the veil lifted I could see how the less than version of reality occurred in these. I could see that there was now another way to play.
Uncover Your Disempowering Stories
Now it's your turn, darling! Give some thought to the relationships and areas of your world that deplete your energy. You won't feel like dealing with it, you might even dread it, but take stock of the places in your life where you're allowing other people and things to diminish you. Look for those places where you're playing at less than what you know is possible. Do some free flow writing on this.
- Find a quiet spot where you won't be interrupted.
- Write for two minutes.
- Notice the surprises and insights.
Sit with these disempowering stories. Make note of other places they may be playing out in your world. Be with the noticing for a couple of days. In my next post, Release The Stories That No Longer Serve You, I share a worksheet that will help you capture your insights.