July 11


4 Facebook Habits That Kill Authentic Connection and How to Fix Them

By Adela Rubio

July 11, 2011

Social Media Training

Are you investing your time and energy in social media and not reaping the rewards you hear everyone talking about: clients, connections and income? Well the reason might be that your connection skills are primed for an upgrade.

One of the most common mistakes that I see is frantically trying to boost your number of friends in hopes that the more friends you have, the easier it will be to share your message. Here's the scoop, folks. It's not important whether you have 100 or 5,000 friends. What matters is the quality of the connection. I spend a good amount of time on Facebook and I still see so many folks making the following mistakes:

1. You friend without including a personal message. Social media is about a relevant connection.  Ask yourself, “Would I want to be ‘real friends' with this person? Why?” Resist the impulse to click on the ‘Add Friend' button. Take a moment to check out their Facebook profile, visit their website. Notice what grabs your attention about them. There should be an authentic desire to connect. Then, make an invitation. Introduce yourself in the message and let them know why you'd like to connect.

2. You only post links to your content, events and programs. I call this being a broadcaster vs engager. If your Facebook wall is a page of links you fall into the first category. If you find yourself staring at that wall and you can't quite find anything to say, here are some ideas: (1) contribute your point of view to a conversation, (2) share something specific about a personal passion or hobby,  (3) acknowledge clients, colleagues and mentors, (4) celebrate the wins of your colleagues and friends and (5) have fun and enjoy your friends.

3. You tag friends so that they'll read your posts. You want your presence to be magnetic. Think drafted vs invited, the level of engagement and interest is quite different between those two, yes? Do tag friends if you're partnering on an event or you're acknowledging them, when they appear in your photos (like at a live event), or when you want them to comment on a note. Tagging is a way to engage your friends' attention. Use it wisely!

4. You make your first post on a friend's wall all about you. As a matter of fact, do not EVER post the link to your opt in gift, facebook fan page or your next program on someone's wall! Those posts belong on YOUR wall. When you first friend someone, focus on making a personal comment that weaves connection. This means you will have read their profile or visited their blog or website. If you want to share your message, connect and contribute to others. Share links to your blog posts and articles on your wall. Create value for your friends and they will respond in kind by sharing your posts and links.

Social media is all about creating connection and an aligned community. Though it might take some initial effort on your part, the skills garnered from regular and strategic use of social media will create a strong foundation to grow your business on ALL levels. Then you'll reap the rewards!

Image: Longing for Summer, Per Ola Wiberg

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  1. Thank you Adela! As you know I just opened my Facebook account and it is so helpful to have heart centered guidelines with which to begin.

  2. Interesting what you write in Point 4 Adela! I normally comment on something interesting that is connecting and where there is a commonality with the person, and then I also invite them to ‘like’ my fanpage if its feels like a fit and include the link to the fan page. I don’t find it turns people off, and most often the do ‘like’ my fanpage. I think it’s how you do it, and if it comes off as self serving or not. 🙂

    Louise x

    1. Louise,

      Thanks for sharing the context of how you share the invitation to like your fan page on a first post. Glad to know it works for you and I appreciate the differing point of view. 😉

      However, I would never do it and I don’t recommend it to my clients. No matter how nice the connection, the focus is still on you and I don’t think that’s a ‘best practice’ for an initial contact.

    1. At a minimum I delete the post, Cathy. I’ll check out their wall and their ‘social media habits’ and I’ll cut some slack if it’s the first time. If there’s a repeat, I unfriend. Thanks for checking in!

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