Grief is Gray, Gold and Gorgeous

My Dad passed on Sunday, June 25, 3:53 pm, while I was attending my granddaughter Alexa's dance recital.

It's taken me a bit to be able to articulate what has transpired. Life deals intense hands at times. I'm always on for the adventure. Sometimes it takes a bit to get all the parts moving in synch again.

Though my Dad hadn't been well for quite some time, and hospitalized for the last 6 months, it was a shock when my brother Gil called to tell me of his passing. Loss is no less profound when you expect it.

We had a private viewing for my dad. I passed on the mass and burial. I honor my father in my own way.

I cried for three days and allowed myself the freedom to feel the anger that had set up house in my heart. Fully spent, a deep calm clambered onto my lap and embraced me like a child finally finding comfort.

In the days that followed, I felt him closer than ever. He was no longer tethered to the old stories of separation. He was freedom and light, joy and love. He invited, even urged, me to join him. He has returned to the creative cosmic cauldron. I am here.

I'm taking it slow, moving with what pulls me. There is no room for ‘have to' or ‘got to.' These days I'm …

  • re-designing one of my websites
  • putting together a library of all my events and programs
  • chatting with a dear friend and colleague on a collaboration
  • toying with a 30-day morning musing writing event

Ease and flow, with smatterings of grace, are here . . .

Peace
lives 
in the
infinite love
vibrant and true
present in you

Life continues to cascade in ever riveting rhythms. Even in loss, life beckons.

 

About the Author

Adela Rubio writes and speaks on awakening your creative essence with the power of collaboration and community. She's hosted 20+ Women's Writing Circles, 30-Day Adventures, and Telesummits.

  • Adela,

    Although I cannot speak the words that bond…that share and maybe even dare. I applaud you. Stifled words do no good. Your words speak volumes…

    Angela

  • Simone says:

    The pictures you paint with words should hang on gallery walls of world renowned museums. You honor your father’s passing with Grace. Thank you for sharing what’s in your heart and on your mind.

  • Morgine says:

    I was teary eyed when you shared you felt him closer than ever… I lost my 92 year old mother last year to ALS and I went through a similar process and once again felt that delicious embrace of spirt infused with joy and love after a few days of crying. Thank you for the memory and may your love and joy continue to grow infused with the spirit of your father now also helping to guide you along. Another Angel in your Tribe! Much Love, Morgine

    • Adela Rubio says:

      I also cried from the joy of feeling my Dad in such a new way, but they were tears of joy. Yes, Morgine! Thanks for sharing your experience. One more bond, sister friend. Love you.

  • Adela,

    Your words are powerful, engaging and full of transparency. Thank you for allowing us to peek into your world, your sadness and your process.

    Besos y abrazos, Querida!

    Terry

  • Britt Nielsen says:

    So glad to read your words, Adela! I don’t have many words now and I know none are needed. I acknowledge your experiences, sharings, you and your Dad. abrazos.

  • Rose Diamond says:

    hello dear Adela,

    Thank you for sharing your loss so beautifully. I love the tenderness and lightness of your words.

    I am in the midst of getting ready a raft of offerings around grief and loss, following the deaths of my closest friend and brother last year.

    I’d love to have another go at connecting with you, Adela.

    With Big Love and gratitude for all our continuing journeys into the light, Rose

  • Marge Coffing says:

    Adela – you honor us by including us in your thoughts. Thank you for sharing. Marge

  • Sue Couch says:

    Thank you, Adela, for sharing yourself in this intense and sorrowful time. I remember those first days of tears, when I wondered if they’d ever stop. Now I find that my relationship with my parents, who have long ago left the planet, keeps changing. As I grow older, their spirits and my memories of them grow stronger and more intimate, Sometimes something will bring back the memory of a funny time we shared and I laugh out loud. The feeling of loss is still there, but it has evolved into “sorrowful joy”, a phrase in an Instagram post by a person describing her feelings about running a farm animal sanctuary. Seems like a good phrase to describe the bitter sweetness of my life with my parents now.

    There is also another kind of loss that I’ve experienced as I’ve grown older. It’s a loss of my personal history, shared with my friends who have left. So many of them are gone now. But again I cherish the times when we can connect in spirit.

    I, like you, am sifting and sorting, looking at “who am I now?” Asking what brings me joy now? It’s all an unending beautiful adventure!

    I love you,
    Sue

    • Adela Rubio says:

      It’s a delicious adventure, Sue! I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know I feel deeply. It can bring me deep sadness as well as great joy! The path has varied terrain. Doesn’t that make for a more textured and rich life? I think so. I’m happy to have you here giving me a peek into the possibility of how the experience of grief and love shifts over time. Sorrowful joy is something I know. Love the way that’s put together. It has a zing! Yes …. to who am I know, what brings me joy now!!! Right there with you, Sue.

  • Peggy says:

    You and your words are powerful allies, Adela, and I am so glad you’re easing into all you want again. Loving and living, grieving and releasing, welcoming the rhythms of life, sharing and caring. I love the new person you are, and applaud those impactful words – agreeing with Simone wholeheartedly! May eternal blessings pave your way. Love, Peggy

    • Adela Rubio says:

      I love it, Peggy! I never saw words as powerful allies. Ha! Ha! Ha! How funny! YES! YES! YES! They are. They’re my allies, my staunch supporters. LOL! Thanks for the light, the love and the precious enfoldment I feel in your presence, Peggy. Mwah!

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